everything went so smoothly while chatting o'er the phone just now,until,until kimchi(he says 'younghwan' sounds like we're acting close) told me something, really solemn.
They met, again. The girl wanted to clarify things with him.
how can i feel nothing?
how can i feel unaffected?
how can i not think much?
how can i remain calm?
i'm really happy you shared it with me. else, if i were to find out myself, i think i'll just point the gun at myself and die.
so many,many,many thoughts fucking surged through my mind.
i feel threatened, i feel horrified, i feel insucured, i feel that the trust i initially had for Kimchi suddenly went nowhere.
No wonder i was feeling exceptionally happy today in school.now i know. because i have to feel upset like shit back home!ma de ma de,TA MA DE!
You kept telling me that things are really over, things are over between you and her. You've really moved on. How am i supposed to believe when i cant feel anything at all?(sometimes i feel,sometimes i dont.)
i keep having this thought and bad feeling that you will leave me one day and tell me that all this is actually just a scam.
the more i wanto keep you, the more i have that thought that one fucking fine day, you'll just slip away,without me knowing. i know i'm going crazy. i keep thinking alot!
i know it sounds dramatic. but, fuck lah, not happy, close the window lah.delete history also can.
i just got that fucking bad feeling that things couldnt be this easy.
everytime i wanna move on a closer step to you, something will happen.
it is obvious that she haven gotten over you what!
the bf thats she's with now, is just someone who is willing to stay and accompany her by her side, but in actual fact, she might not have anything for him.Please lah, i'm a woman/girl also. i know how the mind of a girl works.
than when i cant feel anything you said about moving on from you and knows that she still hasnt gotten over you, of course i'd ask if you wanna go back with her right?
you guys are making me feel like shit you know?and i am making myself feeling ilke shit also! i stress and think and think and wonder and wonder alot.i really dont know what i want to do, what i want you to do.no idea.really.
maybe, maybe i'm not suitable for a relationship.maybe i can only be a good friend of other people's.
to be frank, this is my first time having a relationship,seeing the ex gf, talking to the ex gf(greetings).
prolly thats why i dono how to face this kind of situation.
BUT I LOVE KIMCHI/ DANIEL/ ALEX/ JUNGYOUNGHWAN! ALOT ALOT!
his nonsense and cock always make me feel like pinching his cheeks hard, and give him a jab on his face.
when i think back of the things he's done, i'll always smile at myself and then, share it with my sisters.
your unglam looks when asleep on the bus, your small little acts of jealousy whenever i tell you,"wah!that guy handsome!", the stupid and funny commercials you showed me in order to humour me because i see stuffs in your desktop i shouldnt, the look you gave me when i one night chiong-ed to Lot1 to find you to talk, always reminding me to always sit infront of the bus and not at the back, your "Che-ballllllll~", and even asking me to choose from OrangUtans and you during our chat tonight, etc. etc.
i act as though i dont care, but actually, i do.i care, ma ni, ma ni.
i act fierce, but i really didnt meant to. i just wanted to put on a strong facade, to act strong. (i'm more manly, i guess.) i just dont know how to express myself well enough.
i'm really sorry if i'm not a sweet gf, who dont know how to write nice things about the bf in the blog, always misleading to others that youre ill-treating me, a gf who dont know how to act or humour the bf like when she's supposed to;like a woodblock, a gf who's always so stubborn, call her take medicine like asking God to drop money from above, call her drink water like the villagers need to walk 10km to fetch the water, call her go to bed early than she acts as though the pillows will bite her to death.
see? i've so many flaws.
thats why i said, if you really wanna turn back to her or if you really am tired, you wanna back out, go now.
i wont blame you. i'll just take things as a lesson learnt, another experience.
DEAR GOD, PLEASE, TELL ME IF WE'RE SUITABLE. ELSE, HINT ME AND I'LL ACT ACCORDINGLY.
if it rains during noon time tomorrow, let yh decide.
if it rains at night tomorrow, we'll stay together.
if it doesnt rain, FUCK LAH, LET MY MOM DECIDE.
